- I liked the movie version much better.
- That’s a pretty big book for such a lil’ lady.
- People still read!?!?! OMG LOL ROFL FML OMG OMG #SORRYNOTSORRY
- You’ll have to get rid of some of these.
- I only bought this book because the cover art has my favorite actor on it.
- I ripped out all the pages of a first edition of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer because Pinterest told me I could use them to decoupage a picture frame.
- I haven’t read any of them, but don’t they look awesome on my shelf?
- Oh this? I just carry it around because it makes me look smart.
- I hate the smell.
- Who’s Kurt Vonnegut?
- Libraries make me nervous. Too quiet!
- I only go to the bookstore for the free wifi.
- I’m too hungry to look at the secondhand book table with you. Can we skip it?
- Wait. The point of this book club is actually to discuss the book? I thought it was code for wine night!
- Nope, can’t wait for you to finish this chapter. We need to discuss my date right now.
- I have to read Prawst for class. No, I’m pretty sure that’s how it’s pronounced. It’s Swedish.
- Do you really need to pack all these books? We’re only going away for 3 days!
- I spilled cranberry juice on it. Sorry.
- Sorry. It’s just that even the smallest reading light bothers me.
- Print is dead, you know.
- We’re sorry. Ikea’s Expedit shelving system is being discontinued.
- If you could only have one book to read in the whole wide world, what would it be?
- No, we’re sorry. The author has decided not to complete the series.
- Did you hear Vin Diesel is gonna play Holden Caulfield?
- This bookstore is closing to make way for an Equinox.
- You have to be out of your apartment in 3 days.
- I use them more as plates than anything else.
- That book you lent me? Hmm. I can’t remember where I put it. The last thing I remember was highlighting my favorite parts in pink.
- But what ELSE do you want for your birthday?
- You read a lot. What’s the name of the author who wrote that book about those things?
- Why do you care so much about the spine?!
- After you pull out your book: Oh. I thought maybe we could chat while we wait.
- Yeah, we met in a bookstore. Can you believe it!? I never go to bookstores—I was only in there buying a coffee!
- Put that book down. Let’s play beach volleyball instead!
- The next volume in the trilogy will hit shelves May 2019.
[There is a] general principle of internet language these days that the more overwhelmed with emotions you are, the less sensical your sentence structure gets, which I’ve described elsewhere as “stylized verbal incoherence mirroring emotional incoherence” and which leads us to expressions like “feels,” “I can’t even/I’ve lost the ability to can,” and “because reasons.”
Contrast this with first-generation internet language, demonstrated by LOLcat or 1337speak, and in general characterized by abbreviations containing numbers and single letters, often in caps (C U L8R), smilies containing noses, and words containing deliberate misspellings.
We’ve now moved on: broadly speaking, second-generation internet language plays with grammar instead of spelling. If you’re a doomsayer, the innovative syntax is one more thing to throw up your hands about, but compared to a decade or two ago, the spelling has gotten shockingly conventional.
In this sense, doge really is the next generation of LOLcat, in terms of a pet-based snapshot of a certain era in internet language. We’ve kept the idea that animals speak like an exaggerated version of an internet-savvy human, but as our definitions of what it means to be a human on the internet have changed, so too have the voices that we give our animals. Wow."
This is my favourite part, if I do say so myself. See also the summary doge macro.